Dog Jokes Compilation

Some people might not understand the amusement of a dog punch line statement, especially the ones who do not own or have a dog but for the ones who does, it is really quite a stress relieve and provide some inspiration to us. These dog jokes are one of the simple things that relates to dogs that could really give you a healthy smile. It has been carefully thought of based on the behaviors and natural reactions of a dog. It is also a statement based on a situation where a dog usually or have the possibility to do so.

This long list of jokes can also help you understand your pet. It is really helpful for newbies, who are just about to get a dog for their home, to have a scan and read through it. As said earlier, some of these jokes describe the behaviors of dogs wherein it could give you a better decision on what pet kits, tools and equipment you should get for you and your dog at home. It is a small read that just requires an investment in time but is highly beneficial to dog owners.

The collection of jokes came from different resources and some known websites such as Jokes4Us which is renowned to have a variety of jokes in all sorts and Short-Funny that has a large database of all-purpose jokes.

This is a Q&A Dog Jokes from Jokes4Us

Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy?

A: bonappetite

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the show!

Q: How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?

A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!

Q: What do you call a dog magician?

A: A labracadabrador.

Q: Why wouldn’t the dog sit on his chair?

A: Because he left his sheet [shit] on there.

Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

A: Terrier-fied!

Q: Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart?

A: He was CON-fused!

Q: When does a dog go “moo”?

A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

Q: What do you call a frozen dog?

A: A pupsicle.

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: To get to the “barking” lot!

Q: What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

A: A golden receiver!

Q: What is the dog’s favorite city?

A: New Yorkie!

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a cougar?

A: Trouble with the postman.

Q: What do you call a cold dog?

A: A Chilli Dog.

Q: What kind of dog chases anything red?

A: A Bulldog.

Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A: A bloodhound!

Q: What’s a dog’s ideal job?

A: Barkeology

Q: Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?

A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

Q: What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?

A: A lot of bites.

Q: What does my dog and my phone have in common?

A: They both have collar I.D.

Q: What do you call a dog with a surround sound system?

A: a Sub-woofer.

Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers?

A: Because his boots were at the menders!

Q: What was the special offer at the pet store this week?

A: Buy 1 Dog get 1 Flea!

Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A: a chilli dog on a bun!

Q: Why does a dog lick his own dick?

A: Because he can’t make a fist

Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?

A: Anywhere it wants to!

Q: What is a dog’s favorite food?

A: Anything that is on your plate!

Q: What do you call a dog that licks an electrical socket?

A: Sparky.

Q: Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?

A: Because all he ever said was “Rough, Rough”

Q: What’s more amazing than a talking dog?

A: A Spelling Bee.

Q: What do you call a cross between a matador and a cute little puppy dog?

A: “A cocker Spaniard.”

Q: What do you call a sheepdog’s tail that can tell tall stories?

A: A shaggy dog’s tale!

Q: Where do you put barking dogs?

A: In a barking lot.

Q: What’s a dog favorite hobby?

A: Collecting fleas!

Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat?

A: A hot dog!

Q: What is a dog’s favorite sport?

A: Formula 1 drooling!

Q: What happens when a dog chases a cat into a geysur?

A: It starts raining cats and dogs.

Q: What do dogs and story tellers have in common?

A: They both have tails!

Q: What is a dog’s favorite instrument?

A: A trombone.

Q: What state do dogs like?

A: New Yorkie.

Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?

A: A dusky husky!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?

A: Dingo Starr!

Q: What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee?

A: a Greyhound Buzz.

Q: What do you call a dog that goes to the bathroom indoors?

A: A pet project.

Q: What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?

A: You get a dog that chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.

Q: What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?

A: Anything you like, just very quietly.

Q: How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?

A: Invite him to bark in the front seat.

Q: What does a dog become when it’s seven years old?

A: Unless something terrible happens, eight years old.

Q: Why do people call it a “litter” of puppies?

A: Once they grow a little bigger, one look at your ruined house will explain.

Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?

A: “Well, doggone!”

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn’t matter…. he’s not going to come anyway.

Q: Why does the dog bring toilet paper to the party?

A: Because he is a party pooper.

Q: What kind of dog likes taking a bath?

A: a shampoodle!

Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?

A: Growlcho Marx!

Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?

A: It chases parked cars!

Q: What dog can jump higher than a tree?

A: Any dog can jump higher than a tree, trees can’t jump.

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?

A: A dog that chases cars – and catches them!

Q: What do you call a dog that swallows a ball?

A: Ballshit.

Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates?

A: Aware wolf.

Q: What kind of dog eats with his ears?

A: They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.

Q: What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?

A: Two thousand dogs.

Q: What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?

A: Quietly go sleep on the sofa.

Q: Why don’t people put an ad in the paper when their dogs get lost?

A: And how many dogs do you know that actually read newspaper?

Q: What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?

A: A Great Dane out!

Q: What do you call a puppy that’s come in from the snow?

A: Snowball.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a dog and a carrot?

A: The carrot is a lot smaller.

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A: A friend you can count on.

Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?

A: A petticoat!

Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A: A watch dog.

Q: What do you do when you see a rabid dog?

A: That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.

Q: What happened when a Labrador went to the flea circus?

A: He totally stole the show.

Q: What did the cat say to the dog?

A: Check meow-t!

Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

A: You can step in a poodle!

Q: What time is it when ten dogs chase a cat?

A: Ten after One.

Q: Why was the cat scared of the tree?

A: Because of its bark.

Q: Did you hear about the dog that couldn’t stop talking like a horse?

A: It was a dog and pony show.

Q: What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza?

A: Pupperoni.

Q: What is a dog’s favorite flower?

A: Anything in your garden!

Q: What is the fastest dog in the world?

A: A Labraghini.

Q: What do you tell the guy who says he has a bulldog and shih tzu mix?

A: Bullshit

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?

A: The collie wobbles!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

A: Cockerpoodledoo!

Q: Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?

A: It was a shih tzu

Q: When is a mom flea happy?

A: When her whole family has gone to the dogs.

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?

A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

Q: What do you do if your dog eats your pen?

A: Use a pencil instead!

Q: How does a dog stop a video?

A: By pressing the paws button.

Q: Where do dogs go after their tails fall off?

A: The re-tail store.

Q: What did the dog say to the flea?

A: Stop bugging me!

Q: What did the dog say to the tree?

A: Bark

Q: What kind of dress shoe does Michael Vick wear?

A: Hush Puppies!

Q: Why did the dog bury himself in the back yard?

A: Cause you can’t grow a tree without bark.

Q: Where did the dog fall asleep?

A: In the barking lot.

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?

A: It barked with de-light!

Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?

A: His bark was much worse than its bite!

Q: Why do all dogs go to Heaven?

A: Because Michael Vick is in Hell.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Doberman and a hyena?

A: No idea, but if it laughs, I join in.

Q: Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot?

A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A: A collie-flower!

Q: What did the dog say to the sandpaper?

A: Ruff.

Q: What do you do when the UPS man apologizes for smashing your stuff?

A: You call off the dogs.

Q: What should you do when your dog suddenly goes Squaawk?

A: Pat him on the head. He’s learning a new language.

Q: Why was the dog chasing its own tail?

A: It was just trying to make ends meet.

Q: What happens when you cross a rooster, a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle?

A: You get a Cockerpoodledoo.

Q: What is the question a flea often has to ask itself?

A: Should I walk or take a dog?

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?

A: “Because no one else will do it for them!”

Q: What did the dog growl triumphantly when he finally caught his tail?

A: “This is the end!”

Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?

A: A sausage dog!

Q: Why can’t dogs work the DVD remote?

A: Because they always it the Paws button!

Q: Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?

A: Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

Q: Why don’t blind people parachute very often?

A: It makes their guide dogs really uncomfortable.

Q: Have you read the book Raising Dogs?

A: No? You should it’s a pup-up book.

Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?

A: That hit the spots!

Q: What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?

A: Seek medical help. You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.

Q: What do you do when your dog goes missing in the forest?

A: Put your ear to a tree and listen for the bark.

Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice?

A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang!

Q: What do you call a dog with a fever?

A: A hot dog.

Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?

A: “I must throw that doggie out the window!”

Q: Why did the dog stay in the shade?

A: Because he did not want to turn into a hot dog.

Q: What do dogs eat for breakfast?

A: Pooched eggs.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?

A: Right where you left him.

Q: What happens when you name your dog after Tiger Woods?

A: You give a dog a bad name.

Q: What dog wears contact lenses?

A: A cock-eyed spaniel!

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?

A: A terrified postman!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?

A: I don’t know but I’ll join in if it laughs!

Short-Funny’s Q&A Dog Jokes

Q: What is a caterpillar’s biggest natural enemy?

A: A doggerpillar.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a labrador and a marine biologist?

A: The one wags a tale, the other tags a whale.

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: To catch the chicken.

Q: Why do dogs lick their butts?

A: Because nobody will do it for them.

Q: Why did the dog lie down?

A: He found lying up a little hard.

Q: What happens when a dog finds a nice, mature roadkill and you’re not there to stop him?

A: His bark becomes a lot scarier than his bite.

Q: Why is a dog superior to a flea?

A: A dog can have a flea but a flea can’t have a dog.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a Saint Bernard’s?

A: A dog that bites you and then goes to fetch help.

Q: What market shouldn’t you take your dog to?

A: The flea market.

Q: What do you call a blind dog?

A: A dog that usually barks up the wrong tree.

Q: What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?

A: A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

Q: What do you do when you see a dog eating your dictionary?

A: Take the words out of his mouth.

Q: What is the best timekeeper you could wish for?

A: A watch dog.

Q: What’s the difference between a dog yapping outside a house and a woman yapping outside a house?

A: The dog shuts it once you let it in.

Q: What creature has four legs and one hand?

A: A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

Q: What do you call a wolf that picks up litter after campers and is worried about pollution?

A: Aware wolf.

Bonus:

What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.

He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!